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A Very Serious Message
READ MY DEMANDS
I HAVE THE CEO. He is safe, mildly confused, and currently being forced to consume the entire nation's poutine supply.
To release the hostage, New York Fries must obey the following:
- Bring back poutine peace to the people.
- Deliver exactly $10,000,000,000 in unmarked gift cards.
- Rename the large fry size to "Chudly's order".
- Stop pretending the CEO is “in a meeting.” I know what you are doing.
Do not contact the authorities. Unless they are hungry. Then contact them but do not tell them about me.
Confidential Recruitment Notice
HELP WANTED
My operation is expanding. I require loyal assistants, clue hiders, napkin folders, and one person who knows how websites work better than I do.
Interested applicants should not email me. That is traceable. Instead, look at the top of the page. A certain tab may already be inviting you to join the plot.
Come alone. Bring references. And maybe ketchup.