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This is not a drill.

CEO MENU

Attention, fry citizens. I have kidnapped the CEO of New York Fries. He is safe, mostly annoyed, and currently being forced to listen to my demands. Pay me $10,000,000,000 soon or there will be NO MORE POUTINE LOCKDOWN FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

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Demand #1

THE CEO SPECIAL

On the menu tonight: one New York Fries CEO. Not literally. I am a villain, not a monster. But he stays with me until my very serious ransom is paid in cash, gift cards, or legally valid poutine coupons.

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Demand #2

POUTINE LOCKDOWN

If my demands are ignored, I will personally hide every cheese curd in Canada. You will order poutine and receive only fries and gravy. Society will wobble.

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Demand #3

THE HOT DOG THREAT

Do not test me. I know where the premium dogs are kept. I have a clipboard, a suspicious trench coat, and absolutely no plan for what comes after this.

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Final Warning

THE DIP ULTIMATUM

By midnight, deliver the money to the secret location: behind the napkin dispenser. Come alone. Bring extra garlic aioli. The CEO says he is hungry and honestly I forgot snacks.

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